The issue of invasive alien species began with the introduction of foreign animals. However, first, we must consider a few words. there is a big difference between the words "alien" and "native." Alien, meaning belonging to a different country in the world other than Hawaii. Invasive, meaning destructive and obtrusive. The first invasive land animal was introduced back in the 1800s. Back in 1872, a man named W.B. Espeut founded a solution to the rat problem that might have caused harm to the sugar cane fields. He got the idea the Indian mongooses would do the trick. He sailed on a ship called Merchantman in search of these creatures. He traveled to Calcutta and captured a total of nine mongooses and brought them back to Jamaica. Two decades later, Espeut gave a review saying that all the mongooses have done was destroy the harmless and native animals of Jamaica. There was no reduction in the population of the rats. People in Hawaii had the same rat problem. In 1883, 72 Jamaican mongooses were brought to the Hamakua Coast of the Big Island. They began to flourish there and were later transported to other parts of Hawaii, such as Maui, Molokai, and Oahu. This solution brought no peace on the lands. Instead, the native Hawaiian goose, the nene, nearly became extinct as well as Newell's shearwaters. There are no natural predators for these creatures. So, they have to be trapped and killed immediately. However, this is a challenge because they have been known for being the best hide-and-seek players. Till this day, there are as mush rats as there are mongooses. It is almost impossible to evict all of these mongooses from Hawaii.
Mongooses aren't the only ones that have caused a great impact to Hawaii's native species. Between the years 1991 and 1994, a footless creature made its way through a cargo shipment and onto Hawaii's fields. This happens to be the brown tree snake and these cargo shipments originated from Guam. On June 15 1944, US military equipment and war material that were used on Papua New Guinea were shipped to the bases of Guam. The first snakes were reported to have been in the war-torn sites of Guam where rats, geckos, and invasive species have been invading. In the later years of 1970s through the 1980s, the snake population began to flourish all across Guam and the bird populations were declining. These snakes, however, found their way into cargo shipments that were headed for Oahu, Hawaii. The first reported snake was discovered on April of 1981. It was found on the Customs area of the Honolulu Airport. Several reports have been coming in about brown tree snakes for the next 17 years. The climate of Hawaii and Guam are very similar, which provides good habitats for the brown tree snake to live in. In Guam, they have caused about ten out of twelve native forest birds to go extinct. They have been known to be preying on many birds. And these birds are what helped to give the land food. They are responsible for pollination and seed dispersals of many native plants. Other species have also been affected because of the loss of their habitat and native food supply. The Hawaiian Islands are in great danger because there is an abundance of various kinds of foods and habitats. This has helped many growing species to thrive peacefully in their habitat, before invasive species came to the land. To reduce the population, the US Department of Agriculture's program on Guam are responsible for trapping and night searches for brown tree snakes in port facilities, cargos, and vehicles. They have also hired their own snake-detection dogs to sniff out these pests. The Hawaii Department of Agriculture is also responsible for checking the cargos just in case they might be hidden in the cargos. Finally, the DLNR has a trained staff and a group of volunteers that track down these brown tree snakes in order to keep the population on a low level. The citizens of Hawaii are also involved in the search for these creatures. It is safer to do so because these snakes have already been established on Hawaii in the 20th century.
The last species on the Most Wanted list is the ever-annoying coqui frog. These small creatures were introduced around or before the year of 1988. They are native to Puerto Rico and have hitched its way in plant imports to Hawaii, via Florida. They are quarter-size frogs that are difficult to see because of their size and camouflage ability with the plants. These frogs don't need water to produce eggs and so its easier for them to reproduce. Many people have claimed that these creatures eat mosquitoes and termites, but samples from their body has proven otherwise. Instead, they eat the pollinators of native plants. These frogs have been flourishing mostly in the islands of Oahu, Maui, and the Big Island. On Kauai, only one active spot and on Oahu, 5 focused locations were reported to have had an abundance of coqui frogs. On the Big Island, majority of the coqui frogs have been found on the coasts around the island, but mostly thrive on the east side of the Big Island, so about 200 spots. And on Maui, about 40 locations have an active population of these small creatures. They have been reported to be very noisy and has caused many sleepless nights for many. It has been proven that they compete for food with the endangered birds and their presence provides a food supply for non-native snakes. They have also been known to be devouring bugs that exist nowhere else in the world. However, Hawaii has founded a safe solution to eradicating these frogs: citric acid. It was claimed to have worked on Kauai, but to ensure safety, imported plants must be treated for any existence of coqui frogs. Today, it is illegal to release, transport, or export coqui frogs. Any offenses would be a fine of about $250-$25,000. 367 certified nurseries are also responsible for keeping their plants in tact. The state has also made efforts to educate people about how to identify and control these species. A project called the "HEAR" project is in progress and is underway. But, even if they put their best foot forward, they will miss frogs and eggs.
Biodiversity is important in an ecosystem. Without it, the different animal species will not be able to survive for long. However, this can be destroyed by the introduction of non-native species. Especially, those that can cause a great impact in the ecosystem. Invasive alien species are the second leading cause of extinctions. Global transportation imports have worsened the threat of these invasive species. This is why it is very important to learn about the behavior and nature of the creature before introducing it as a solution to a problem. It is also critical that the departments of the states check any cargo imports from foreign countries because one import can release another one of the most invasive species. Communities and residents who are neighbors of these species must also take action as well as being educated to get to know more about their backyards and what they are living with. It's important that the state and the people take action once there has been several reports about a pest. One mistake can cause a big mess. So, we should all join in the help to save our endangered species and bring a stop to this issue once and for all.
Hey Shaneika:)
ReplyDelete...Your essay is good.. Due to all of your research, you have alot of information and resources to back up your essay. However you have a few grammar problems and your trying to hard to be too detailed. By being to detailed I mean you mis-use your some of your words.
For example, in the first paragraph
"It has a diverse types of animals that can not be found anywhere else on the Earth." First Take out the "the" in "on [the] Earth". Second of all, the word diverse already means various kinds. So you don’t need to add “a” and "types of". So your sentence should go something like this "Hawaii's diverse animals cannot be found anywhere else on Earth."
"Hawaii's ever-changing ecosystems has been greatly impacted by the introduction of these alien land animals." By saying "alien land animals" are you referring to "invasive"? If not then never mind:) and it should be “ecosystems [have]..
Second Paragraph
" there is a big difference between the words "alien" and "native." Remember to capitalize when starting a new sentence.
"Back in 1872, a man named W.B. Espeut [founded] a solution to the rat problem that might have caused harm to the sugar cane fields." Ok in this sentence change the word in the brackets to "found".
"He got the idea the Indian mongooses would do the trick." This sentence doesn't make sense.. are you trying to say "He got the idea [that] the Indian mongooses would do the trick."..If not then change it to whatever you mean.
"Till this day, there are as [mush] rats as there are mongooses." You mean "much"?
Paragraph 3
"Between [the years 1991 and 1994], a footless creature made its way through a cargo shipment and onto Hawaii's fields." Just state 1991 and 1994. You don't need to add "the years"
“They have been known to be preying on many birds. And these birds are what helped to give the land food.” Either combine the two sentences or rephrase the second sentence.
“The Hawaiian Islands are in great danger because there is an abundance of various kinds of foods and habitat.” In this sentence, you are trying to describe too much... take out the word abundance because it doesn’t make sense.
Paragraph 4
“On the Big Island, majority of the coqui frogs have been found on the coasts around the island, but mostly thrive on the east side of the Big Island, so about 200 spots.” Try rephrasing this sentence so it sounds better.
“[And] on Maui, about 40 locations have an active population….” Take out the word “And”-it’s unnecessary.
Conclusion
--Okay--
Now I will assess you on the writing standards.
Ideas:
Your ideas are good, you have a lot of details to support your ideas. Well done on putting your researched information in the right portions of your essay. I can tell that you understand your topic.
Word Choice:
Your word choice and sentence structure is clear, but to me it’s just not that “memorable”. Although, I congratulate you in putting more scholarly words in your essay.
Organization:
Your essay has a good flow and organized clearly so that I understand your cause and effects. Excellent transition from one paragraph to another.
C&P:
Your essay contains mechanical errors here and there. You should proofread more carefully.
Besides grammar problems, also try to avoid using questions in your essay. Umm, write out your numbers that are under ten, because remember that this is a formal essay. Don’t use “big” words in your essay that isn’t needed, because it just sounds like you just want bigger words and you’re not focusing on what makes sense. Remember sometimes less is more. Besides that, your essay was good:)!!!
~hope this helps..
Oh BTW...could you comment like this on my blog? I really want detailed comments.
ReplyDeletethank you!!
Shaneika!
ReplyDeleteWow, long essay girly!.... well, then let's start at the beginning, shall we?
Okay there are some grammatical errors in the essay, so, i'll just put down the sentence I think should be there (its in quotes)... the changes will be in italics,within the paragraph i am reading, and its totally up to you if you want to use it....
Paragraph Uno
I'll say it very blunt: you need a new first sentence. I think i know what you are trying to say, but the sentence you chose isn't really giving off that message.... Hawaii (all the islands) pretty much are all tropical, not various types of tropical...
so a better first sentence might be, 'The Islands of Hawaii are tropical'. Or something like that. Or you could mesh the first and second sentence together, or you could think of your topic more creatively to 'yank (stronger than grab)' the readers' attention. up to you.
"They have many diverse types of animals that can not be found anywhere else on the Earth." (shaneika, i think i found somewhere that it was 60% of Hawaii's animal that were only in Hawaii, but i'll need to check again....see me in school about this...)
you might want to think about combining sentences so that it makes for a richer sentence, instead of 2 sentences that sorta cut off the idea....
example: Many tourists com by to marvel and appreciate these magnificent creatures, but because of Hawaii's abundant food sourc(es) and habitats, it is easy for just a single animal to thrive in thousands.
try not to start your sentences with 'because', 'and', or 'but'.
maybe you shouldn't have sooo many rhetorical questions (mrs. sueoka's always telling me not to put them in my essays, but i know its hard not to.)
Last sentence: Hawaii's ever-changing ecosystems has have been, and are still, being greatly impacted by the introduction of these alien land animals.
good thesis statement by the way! :)
Paragraph 二 (Ni)
add the word "invasive" to your third sentence (so that it makes a little more sense why you are explaining that word later on)
are you sure the plural of mongoose is mongooses? i think it just may be mongoose.
(extra info, you can take out what the name of his ship was)
mongoose have to be trapped and killed by who? us, hawaii's human community?
mush to much, darling shaneika... i think maddie covered that part already
wow, good info, notice i didn't have as much to pick over this time :)
Paragraph trois (three)
"This happens to be the brown tree snake and these cargo shipments originated and was unintentionally imported from Guam."
"The first snakes were reported to have been in the war-torn sites of Guam where rats, geckos, and invasive species have been invading." (the ending of this sentence is redundant, chose a different word, or a different phrase to state it)
i like your descriptive info on the history of the brown tree snake, and how it was affect Hawaii, as well as Guam.
"They have also hired trained dogs to smell and detect out these snakes. snake-detection to sniff out these pests. "
"The Hawaii Department of Agriculture is also responsible for checking the cargos just in case they might be hidden in the cargos."
say what the DLNR is, put it in ( ) next to the acronym of DLNR
last sentence isn't really clear on what your trying to say
what will happen next?? to be continued (to the next comment...)
gawwrsh, my comment was so long i had to split it in two!!! apparently, you can only put 4, 096 characters per comment.........
ReplyDeleteParagraph si (four, in chinese)
<3 your first sentence!
"These frogs don't need water to produce eggs and so its making it easier for them to reproduce."
"On the Big Island, majority of the coqui frogs have been found on the coasts around the island, but mostly thrive on the east side of the Big island, totaling so about 200 spots."
"367 certified nurseries are also responsible for keeping their plants in tact." (in my opinion, i don't think this information is nesessary)
"But, even if they put their best foot forward, they will miss frogs and eggs." (i get that your trying to say that it's really hard to get rid of these pests, but your sentence here doesn't make sense)
Paragraph cinque (five!!, last one!!)
explain, 'what is biodiversity???'
"Invasive alien species are the second leading cause of extinctions." (so what is the first one?.... maybe take this sentence out?)
good concluding sentence!! yay... almost thru.
ideas: the purpose of your essay was pretty clear; informing on Hawaii's invasive land animals. Your thesis statement was proven in every paragraph by the examples you gave for each animal.
Word Choice: your word choice was okay, some parts were a bit redundant/repetative. again, try not to start your sentences with 'because', 'and', or 'but'. as they don't make the phrase as strong. you chose good words to put in your essay otherwise.
Organization: I like the format of your essay, how there was one animal specifiyed in each paragraph, along with its cause and effects. no suggestions for this...
Voice: yep. i could hear shaneika writing this :) especially when you put things like "The last species on the Most Wanted list is the ever-annoying coqui frog. " or "Between the years 1991 and 1994, a footless creature made its way through a cargo shipment and onto Hawaii's fields. "
long comment, eh? O_o
good job btw!
korie
To Shanieka...Response on Question "Do we really need in-text citations or footnotes?"
ReplyDeleteAnswer: No, unless you are copying word for word.But if you're paraphrasing then I don't think you need it. I just put it in there because that phrase WAS word for word, so I just quoted it and gave credit to whoever wrote it.
Hi Shaneika,
ReplyDeleteThe organization works better now. It's easier to follow your description of the three invasive species and how they became established in the islands. The cause and effect relationship is also clearer now. I would recommend coming back to the idea of cause and effect and its relationship to the invasive species introduced to Hawaii...as well as the need for efforts to stop their spread.
However, there is still some extraneous information. Why do you need to explain about mongooses in Jamaica or the brown tree snake in Guam? I realize that your information is accurate, but it makes your focus on invasive alien species in Hawaii less clear.
What does this sentence mean: "It is safer to do so because these snakes have already been established on Hawaii in the 20th century."
What food does the coqui compete for? And what native insects does it eat? Also, what does HEAR stand for?
I think you can shorten your conclusion a bit.
Quite a few agreement errors (singular & plural of subject and verb, as well as pronoun-antecedent). See me if you are not sure about the errors or how to correct them.
2nd paragraph: I think there's an error in the focus on alien and native; don't you mean alien and invasive? Those are the two words you actually talk about in the paragraph. "as mush rats as there are mongooses"...?
Over all, nice job on revision!
and WOWZER! Talk about great critiques! Your two teammates, Maddie and Korie, did an exemplary job of critiquing your essay...they focused accurately on areas that could be improved and gave good, clear suggestions on what to revise!
mrs s