Thursday, December 3, 2009

Interdependence Essay

Making Connections

One word, big definition - Interdependence. In our every day lives, we have experienced this. It is the act of depending on someone or something. In a sense, the little things that we do affect everyone and the environment. It may be for the better or for the worse. The experiences that we go through are what changes our thinking and activities.

Every single minute of the day, we are relying on someone or something. If we want to get to somewhere, we depend on transportation. If we need or want something, we depend on the stores and malls. So, without them, it's as though we are incomplete. Just like how we need our feet to walk and our eyes to see. These are also the things that help us get through the day. However, the ones who we depend on the most, are the people around us. They are the people who we trust and will support us through thick and thin. People are not the only ones who depend on other people. The most helpless things are what need people to help them throughout their entire lives. They are the animals who are suffering because of, ironically, people like us. So, it makes sense that we need to clean up our own mess. These animals depend on us to survive.

One day, I realized the importance of interdependence. It was the day when I went out to find information for my KC3 project. My group needed a few pictures of the most invasive species in Oahu. I managed to get more than we needed, but as I was out taking pictures, I noticed many things in the environment. At Sand Island, I found more than piles of litter that filled the entire park. There were rusty tires that we thrown about and rotten car parts. The place was deserted and was not luscious green, rather, dehydrated and brown. There were a few feral cats, but many birds. The place that they lived in seemed impossible to survive in. As I walked the area to investigate, I found spam cans, juice bottles, Safeway plastic bags, soda cans, and much more. I caught a sight of a crane picking on the plastic bags and tried to bite on it. There was a van with four men inside. One of them threw a used cigarette bud on the ground and stepped on it. Then, I pondered on what would happen if we didn't do anything to clean the park. The area would be so polluted and filled with ill cats and birds. The park would have no beauty and other than that, the animals would lose their habitat and the food they depend on for survival.

I realized the importance of interdependence. I began to think how wonderful it would be if volunteer groups came together to beautify the park. The animals would be living in a safer and much cleaner environment. More and more of them would be flourishing the park, rather than garbage. They will be healthier and the park would attract more visitors.

Coincidentally, my KC3 project involved interdependence as well. The topic we chose was invasive alien species. In this topic, my group had to search about the different types of species that were deteriorating, ranging from the smallest of creation to the largest. The creatures that are found on Hawaii can not be found anywhere else in the world. However, they are becoming extinct because of humans. We brought in rats, mongooses, and other alien species that became invasive. Now, Oahu's native species, mostly are the birds, are disappearing everyday. We no longer hear their unique calls, since they have lost their habitats and lost against their competition with the more powerful invasive species. So, it is up to us to clean up our own mess. Multiple organizations have come together to evict these invasive species from wherever they are taking over and are trying to breed more of Hawaii's native species. These species are depending on us for survival and for safety. So, we are being depended on in order for these species to gain back the things that used to belong to them and they have lost. In this case, interdependence plays a very important role in every single living thing's life.

Not only do animals depend on people to sustain them, but we as individuals, depend on other people as well. In our every day lives, we look upon someone for our own benefits. I came across this very situation multiple times in my life. Just like this one day that changed my life. It was in the late afternoon of a school day. I was watching the news and was struck by one of the articles. The Philippines was hit by an unfortunate event. A devastating hurricane happened to make a trip to the country. More than 80% of the Philippines has been flooded and the people there have lost every means of living. Their homes have been washed away and everything inside has flowed away with the water. I saw a video of a family that were being carried away by the strong current of the water. There was screaming and crying in the background and I could see a small child that was clinging very tightly to his mother's shirt.

Something has to be done, I thought to myself. They can't just be left out like that without the support from other people. There was a donation that was occurring in school that was going towards helping the cause. I donated from my heart and prayed that the people will be able to gain the things that they need as soon as possible. I watched the news the next day and found our that most of the celebrities were donating thousands of dollars and were giving away all the things they needed, such as slippers, clothes, bags, and importantly, food. Even people from other countries and states decided to pitch in as well. Then, I realized how important it was to have a helping hand. Without the world's help, it would be impossible to reconstruct what Philippines has lost.

Many people have depended on me as well and I have depended on others, too. My friends and classmates look up to me to help them with the simplest things. This would include teaching them how to work something or providing them with the notes they need to get the work done. It is my responsibility to provide these people with the things they need. If I didn't do my responsibility, they would not be benefited. In the end, it all comes down to me and they would learn that I shouldn't be the person they should be seeking for. This can harm their lifestyle and their personal interests.

My family also look up to me to get the job done. At home, I have multiple chores to do and they all can be very tedious. I don't get paid whatsoever and I do these things voluntarily because it is for my own well-being. When I have done everything that I must be finished, I feel complete and I know that I have made my family happy. However, if I didn't do any of my responsibilities, the privileges that I have been given would be taken away and this would cause distress in my family. Everyone would be disappointed in me and I would feel guilty myself. In this case, it would be very hard for one person to gain back their confidence.

Not only have I been depended on, but I have relied on others to help me throughout my life. I looked upon people to provide me with the things I need. This has benefitted me because I know that I can count on that person no matter what happens. During the times when I really need that person, I wouldn't know what to do if they weren't there for me. I would feel empty and helpless. This may affect me emotionally, physically, and mentally. That is why interdependence is important in my every day life. Without it, I wouldn't be getting anywhere.

Throughout my everyday experiences, I have learned to be very thankful and not to be so high-pride. I noticed how the entire world evolved around interdependence. In a way, we become a better person. We learn from each other and from our mistakes. We learn about how to care for each other and to take action when someone is in trouble. And when the day is over, we feel more refreshed and happy because we know that we did something that helped the other person or thing. On the other hand, when we are being the one depended on, we feel good because we know that that person can depend on us for everything and we know that we can provide with them the things that they need. In our inner selves, if we have been successful, we have every reason to be proud of ourselves. Not only have I improved myself, but I have learned how to become a better person. So, in the end of the day, we can pat ourselves on the back and be relieved to know that we did good.

Interdependence is what helps mold all of us to become the person we are today. We depend on other people and other things and they depend upon us as well. We lean on each other's shoulders because we feel like we can trust them. We know that they will be able to provide us with the things we need in order for us to survive in this world. Without the people or things that we depend on, it would be impossible for us to get through this sinful world. We wouldn't know what to do in life and we would be completely lost. We would be out of our minds and going crazy looking for what we need. That's why every human feels the need to have their own guardian angel. We create personal relationships with each other that makes us feel complete.

3 comments:

  1. Hey shaneika,

    Great job on your essay. Great details.
    For your definition of interdependence, its to depend on others or things and they also depend on you.

    What people rely on- good paragraph on explaining why we depend on others. It throughly explains what it is and its importance. The last two sentences, i think isn't needed on that paragraph but you should put it in later on with your other paragraphs about animals dependence. No grammar errors. "So, without them, it's as though we are incomplete. Just like how we need our feet to walk and our eyes to see. These are also the things that help us get through the day."- nice comparison, it made your paragraph stronger.

    How animals depend on people- good descriptions. " There was a van with four men inside. One of them threw a used cigarette bud on the ground and stepped on it." This sentence kind of just popped out of nowhere. I think you should put it after this sentence-"The place was deserted and was not luscious green, rather, dehydrated and brown.".
    The second paragraph- I see your point but its not interdependence. Its dependence. Elaborate more on how we depend on the animals. For example. "We get volunteer groups to clean up the park. Once we do so, the animals would be living in a healthier environment and they can go on to live their role in our ecology"
    The last paragraph- Greatly detailed, you talked about the threats and what they're doing to fix the problem. Not much about interdependence and once again, you're talking about more of dependence.

    Depending on one another- I like that you used the Philippines cause to make your paper stronger. But are these paragraphs needed, they could be put in a couple of sentences and they'd still be strong. "There a was a devastation in the Philippines. A hurricane hit them and many lost their homes and some has no money and nowhere to get food from. The next day, I found out that other countries contributed to help them, they sent money and clothes."

    Personal experiences - Connections- Your examples are great. They really show the dependence of your friends on you and the dependence of your family. The last paragraph, i think you got the meaning of interdependence. A little more elaboration on that would make it stronger.

    Changing for the better- I think this paragraph isn't needed. Your other paragraphs already show how important it is. I like how you talk about the feeling of it. I think that could be incorporated in other places (personal connection?)

    The benefit of interdependence- A great way to end your essay. It ends the topic slowly and it gives the reader an understanding of what interdependence does overall.

    Great essay. Well detailed. Understanding.
    The only thing you really need to work on is the idea of interdependence. You have the idea of dependence. Interdependence is RELYING ON OTHERS WHILE THEY RELY ON YOU. You mostly have them relying on you.
    Voice: I can hear you in it. I can tell that it was you that wrote this. It shows a part of you in it (the birds XD)
    Organization: I liked how you organized your paper. You told the meaning then showed examples. Great way to begin and great conclusion. It ends slowly and it doesn't just stop.
    WC/Grammar: Not much grammar errors. Word choice is also good. You don't have that much grammatical errors that i have to stop and read it again to understand. Same with wording, the words you use fit in perfectly and doesn't stand out. It makes the essay easier to understand.

    -Rebekah

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  2. Hey Shaneika!

    (im not exactly sure what happened to the other person who was supposed to comment your blog.. so here I am. By the way, Mrs. Sueoka, if your reading this, I this is my third comment, the ones I originally posted was for Maddie and Jordie)

    Ideas:

    Okay, so to clarify, I get that your essay is about interdependence (as it is even in the title). Oh yeah, that's one part I think you could change already... (if you don't think im being too picky though) the title is a little... bland. Put some of your 'Shaneika Flavor' in to it.

    I also think that you should stick to one story example and just 'blow the story up'- in some sense. What I mean is that you focus in on one experience you had (because I think you mentioned about five... or more... examples). This will keep your essay a little shorter, while keeping to the point of your essay. With all the different parts you gave out, the reader may easily become confused or drawn away from the main topic of interdependence. dont forget this: K.I.S.S. = Keep It Simple Silly!!!

    Voice:

    I can tell this piece was written by... Shaneika. Mostly because I can tell its more of an informational (direct) paper. The first paragraph sounds as if it came out of a textbook, Im not exactly sure if that was the effect you were looking for though. If not, you might want to consider tweaking that a little.

    Organization:

    For the most part I can say that your organization has been a strong point for you, in all of your essays that I have read. The only think I would change would be the thing I pointed out in 'voice'. AND if you specify on one example (as suggested in the 'idea' portion of this little commentary..) be sure to divide that in to reasonable, logical parts as well.

    Keep the conclusion. Very well stated. And I applaud.

    Word Choice:

    Okay the first part I want to say is (and this is more 'sentence choice' right here though), you repeated the same sentence twice. "I realized the importance of interdependence" was in the beginning of both the third and fourth paragraphs, and also you said almost the exact thing again in the middle of the seventh paragraph as well.


    Adios for now.. thats all I have to write (a lot wasn't it, huh?)
    well, im off.....

    Korie

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  3. Hi Shaneika,
    As usual, a very comprehensive essay. And I see you were able to get the always cooperative Korie to help you out with your commentary :)
    Both Rebekah and Korie did a nice job on their commentary.

    In fact, Korie said what I would have recommended (and, Korie, it shows that a commentary does not have to be long at all to be extremely effective :)

    Her comment on the first paragraph is spot on. I would actually go further than tweaking and recommend that you delete both the first and the second paragraph. The third paragraph is really where the specifics and the impact start.

    I also agree wholeheartedly with Korie when she advises you to stick with one example and develop that. More is not necessarily better. It can actually dilute the effect of your examples if there are too many of them.

    So, you've got very clear directions for revision. What I would like to see is more evidence that you understand and are learning from these writing experiences. I think it would help if you make more of an effort to do the selectivity and focus for yourself, rather than loading up the essay and then waiting for your commentators to tell you what to delete or focus on :)

    mrs s

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