When it comes to sci fi movies, E.T., Star Wars, Avatar, etc., entertainment can now also mean education. When creators produce sci fi movies, they not only form a story line that grasps the viewer’s attention, but they take scientific breakthroughs and they base the plot/conflict of their movies around the consequences/possibilities they believe will arise from the technologies. They produce their movies in order for the public to get a glimpse/taste of what may occur in the future. Watching these types of movies should influence the public in a way that will get them to think about themselves and what is happening around them. Good science fiction has an enticing story line that emphasizes the importance and the consequences of the breakthrough. We have sci fi because they present possible outcomes that may affect society’s lives.
In order to provoke the viewer’s interest, a good movie needs a good story line. If it’s confusing and doesn’t make sense, then it’s not worth watching. It’s important for a story line to be enticing, suspenseful, scary, shocking, makes sense, and sets the mood that matches the theme of the story. For example, in Meet the Robinsons, the creators were able to center the story around the life of a boy who has lived in the adoption center for almost his entire life. Every interview, he would try his best to impress his soon-to-be parents, but nothing seems to go right, especially during the science fair. A story line like this appeals to the audience because they are eager to know what will happen next. They may ask themselves: “So, will he be able to find his biological parents? What if he never gets adopted? What’s his future going to be like?” A plot line like this keeps the viewers hanging, since they have no idea what will happen next. They will have to watch the entire movie in order for all their questions to be answered. Good sci fi movies keeps the audience wanting more. Sci fi movies should also include a convincing plot/conflict and resolution. That way, the audience should also have the ability to relate to the movie because it keeps the story realistic. This goes back to the reason why sci fi movies are made. It raises the possibility that the technological advances in the movie, including the consequences, may happen in real life. An enticing story line should cause the audience to question for themselves what they believe will happen in the future. This keeps them aware and educated.
Exposing the importance of the scientific breakthrough also plays a key role in the making of a good sci fi movie. The audience needs to understand the capabilities and abilities of the technology. Then, they will be able to interpret what they believe will happen in the future. This is the only way they will be able to realize the importance and it will extend their knowledge about science. The public will begin to think for themselves the possible consequences that may arise as a result of the technology. They must convince themselves that each day technology is being improved to the point where they are considered “smart.” This is supposedly meant to make our lives easier and to enhance the researches being done by scientists, researchers, etc. Then, the public will decide for themselves if what they watch in the movies is really what they want to happen on Earth. For example, in Wall E, the creators were able to show the beauty and advantage of technology. They showed floating chairs that supplied with humans their daily needs. The importance of this technology is that it makes life easier, especially since it is also a source of transportation. In the movie, humans no longer had to use their feet to take them anywhere, it was all done by the push of a button. Exposing its importance will help the public to understand the purpose of the technology and why it was created. A good sci fi movie must be able to present the purpose of the scientific breakthrough through illustration and narration. It serves as an outline of the base of the story.
The technology introduced in all sci fi movies may also influence/take a toll on the lives of mankind. Scientific breakthroughs also present positive and negative consequences. If technology continues its improvement and development, they may grow into what may be known as “Super Technology.” Today, humans are so dependent on technology to the point where they refuse to leave their homes. Technology is now looked upon as a source of entertainment, recreation, education, etc. It has increasingly become a public need because each day new technology that appeals to society’s interests is being presented. If this continues and if mankind is incapable of realizing the consequences that may arise as a result of their dependence, Earth’s future may not look so bright. In “There Will Come Soft Rains,” Ray Bradbury starts the story off about a smart house that will supply all the daily needs of a person. However, as the story progresses, he begins to touch light upon the condition of the environment outside of the house. All is filled with “rubble and ashes” and destruction. Due to mankind’s crave for better technology, they have created a radioactive technology that has swept all inhabitance off of the face of the Earth. Bradbury was able to focus on the wonderful advantages that technology may give us, but he then emphasizes the negative consequences. If humans continue to depend on technology, sooner or later, technology will rule over us and take control of our lives. A good sci fi movie shows these types of consequences in order to educate the public and present possible outcomes that may arise as a result of what is being developed today. Creators are trying to convince the public that although technology promises humans a luxurious and easy-going life, it’s important to ponder over the consequences that may arise and not let our ignorance get the better of us. These consequences will have an effect on our lives whether it be for the better or for the worse.
The only reason why sci fi movies are being produced is to help the public realize what the world is leading into. Producers and creators are trying to draw out what may become of mankind’s future on this planet if technology is constantly improved and developed. The increase of scientific breakthroughs has gotten the minds of society to want more technological advances. Humans will become more dependent than ever to the point in which technology takes over mankind’s lives. A good sci fi movie must include a dramatic story line, scientific breakthrough, plot/conflict, and resolution because that will help the public to open their eyes and realize what is going on in society and what will become of the future.
Intro: The beginning is simple, but catchy. Although list the three examples and don’t put ‘etc.’ at the end. (example: E.T., Star Wars, Avatar, and many others...)
ReplyDelete(And now its just me being picky...) but replace the “/” with or (or and) OR only put one (e.g. only put glimpse OR taste, not both) {this goes for the whole paper!!}
Niice words.... ‘enticing’ ‘emphasizes’ ‘grasps’ :D
Clear thesis statement! Very well done.
Body:
Like how Mrs. S tells me all the time... ‘try not to use rhetorical questions in your essay’
Instead try to rephrase it (e.g. The audience is held in suspense whether Lewis, the main character, will ever become adopted by a family that well suites him.)
I’m not sure what to do with the last sentence of your 2nd paragraph... it seems... out of place. Either take it out or re-word it to make it a stronger statement.
Capacities and abilities in the same sentence is redundant. (ooh isn’t that a fun word to say haha)
I don’t think that watching/reading Sci-Fi is the “only” way to realize the importance, and to extend knowledge about science.... might need to change what you’re trying to say here.
And take out the ‘etc.’! (mahalo)
This sentence is a little confusing... (starting from the line ‘then, the public will...’) I think what you are trying to say from this is that it is people’s choice to go and watch Sci-Fi movies (and I have no clue how this fits in with your paragraph point)
Spectacular example of Wall-E, love the word choice and flow of sentences there, but maybe you want to show the possible consequences? b/c you mentioned that a bit earlier in the paragraph
Last time (and I know I’ve said it a lot already) take out the ‘etc.’!! :D thanks
I think humans in general are not dependent on technology, BUT it is our current society that is.
Good example and closing statement to this paragraph was well written shaneika :D
Conclusion: heres what I understand so far... 1st paragraph= about storyline, 2nd paragraph= about importance of breakthrough, 3rd paragraph= plus/minus of sci breakthroughs
Oh and SciFi is made for entertainment also, not just whats gonna happen
Keep in mind, producers of these stories do not base most of this off science... they take one (or a couple) aspects- then they shape and bend opportunities, events, and objects off of that.
Having an open mind too... ‘will’ is a strong word, suggestion: use ‘may’ or ‘possibly’ or something along those lines, instead
Overall, well written with good main points!! Good job!
Heyyy my comment fit all on one!! im getting better at this muahaha :D
ReplyDeleteanyways i forgot something... change your title please? make it more interesting but still related to the science fiction topic :D
~korie
Bom Bom Bom..
ReplyDeleteFine, ill comment on yours
Here goes:
Intro: Good job on your thesis, its nice worded out and answers the question. Things to fix on your intro is the whole this/that, the whole / thing.. It makes you seem like an unsure writer and it ruins the point of your essay, so just put one of them. Then for the "...arise from the technologies" good sentence, but i think you should change the word arise, makes it seem like it would come alive, change it to "..believe can happen from the technologies".
Body:
For the beginning of this paragraph, i think you need like a topic sentence to begin your paragraph. Starting off with "In order to...." makes no sense because you haven't talked about that yet. Good choice of an example, and good job on explaining how that example would relate to what you're talking about. There are some points in this paragraph that you could take a part from meet the robinsons to make it more understandable like for it keeps the audience wanting more, and the convincing plot and resolution. There are few sentences in this paragraph that a repetitive, so proof read it and you'll be able to find them and take them out. I like how your sentence flow is so good that you were able to end this paragraph with the why we have sci-fi.
I like your first sentence, "exposing" is the perfect word to use. After this sentence however, i started to get a little confused, you used too much "it" "this", change it up a little like "Understanding the capabilities and abilities is the only way..." Then you lost me at this sentence "Then, the public will decide for themselves if what they watch in the movies is really what they want to happen on Earth." I think it'd be better if you move this up around the beginning of the sentence. Good job ending this paragraph and good job on your word choices they match perfectly.
I think this paragraph is basically the same as the 3rd one, so I think you should just combine the two and just shorten this paragraph. If not, the sentence “if technology continues it’s improvement and development…” The words improve and develop are the same thing, so just one of them. “It has increasingly become a public need because each day new technology that appeals to society’s interest is being presented” I think you can shorten this sentence and just get right to the point, you’re using too much big words that ruins the sentence. Same with the “If this continues and if mankind ….” Sentence, take out the “as a result of their dependence” I think you should reread this paragraph because there are some run-on sentences and there are parts of these sentences that doesn’t even need to be there any more but it’s a good paragraph, good use of the example.
Conclusion: It’s not the only reason, because throughout your essay you talk about it being used for entertainment. I think Korie said what I wanted to say about this. Good job on it, it’s a good conclusion, it doesn’t end abruptly. I think you should talk a little more about why they create sci-fi. Your conclusion is basically just repeating everything that you’ve already said on your body, we already know that, so end it a different way. But having like a couple sentences to wrap it up is ok.
Yay! I finished, sorry it took soo long, it was hot and I couldn’t think. So overall, good essay, you used good examples that emphasized your main points. Great job! :D
Hi Shaneika,
ReplyDeleteVery nicely done first paragraph! My recommendation is to cut the last sentence. It kinda says the same thing as the sentence before it. And that sentence says it very well :)
I would also avoid using the slashes (/). They're sort of like shorthand or notes, so they don't match in an introduction. Same thing for the "etc" -- it's like a "cop out" word that people use when they don't or can't think of anything else...Korie has good suggestions for substitutes.
In the second paragraph, avoid that long string of adjectives that describes plot line...remember "less is more"? As far as the example in the paragraph, "Meet the Robinsons"--is that a sci-fi movie? If so, could you somehow show this as you describe its engaging plot? If not, it doesn't seem to fit in the overall sci-fi focus of the essay (especially if the reader has not seen the movie)
Overall, for the body paragraphs, I recommend less explanation and more examples. Again, try to bring them in concisely. Selectivity is probably the main skill that can move your writing forward. So you're going to need to strive for it, consciously. Think in terms of aiming for the bullseye on the target, rather than sraying bullets over the area and hitting the vicinity.
I would recommend shortening the conclusion. That last sentence is better without repeating everything that good sci fi must have. This is the conclusion...it needn't repeat, instead it should broaden...and that's what the rest of the sentence does :)
Okay...great start! Let me know if you have questions on the revision.
Comments to teammates...haha Korie...you *didn't* make it in one...had to add another comment ;>
but awesome job on commenting...notice that, ahem, great minds think alike.
and Rebekah did a good job of suggesting how to make things more concise, although I disagree with her on the choice of the word "arise."
mrs s